The thought of something is more often in my experience way worse than the actual thing. Unless that thing is tasting mushrooms onions or tomatoes 😄
We convince our minds that something is so hard it’s too much and bigger than it actually is. If we changed our mindset then I assure you that you’d try more things (not necessarily foods!) and accomplish far more than you think is possible.
When I look back on our life with Lauren so far I think of how low I have felt at times and how much I have missed out on because of it. I’m not saying there’s not good reason. I can reason away most things with how difficult things are, and sometimes I just can’t/couldn’t do some of the things I’ve shy-ed away from.
Looking back though I can totally see how I’ve let fear consume my thoughts and create a mindset of ‘I can’t’, and it has stopped me enjoying life. Jonnie has pushed me through many of barriers that I wouldn’t have attempted without him. I’m grateful for that. Yet I’ve still not lived how I should.
I was so annoyed when I saw the weather forecast for our recent holiday to Arran. I immediately went to that place of how we’d be stuck inside, and it’s not the most wheelchair friendly place as it is. The kids wouldn’t like it and they’d drive me more insane than normal. I can’t tell you how badly I’d let myself talk me into the mindset of I’m not going to get to relax or enjoy it at all, I wish I wasn’t going. Selfish miserable trout!!!
Soooo negative. I’ve become a lot like that lately.
Jonnie and I talked quite a lot whilst there on different topics and enjoying the small simple things was one of those topics. Isn’t that what life’s about?
It’s about my family. So how do we enjoy it even though it’s rainy windy and wet mostly? Well, I’ve discovered lately, we just DO!
So I forced myself to play in the garden, actually play. And I’ve loved it. I forced myself to make Lauren engage and spend some time with me and just me. It’s hard but I loved it. I decided even in the rain that we would go out walking. Lauren cried and threw a tantrum. Jonnie hiked her over his shoulder until she shut up. We all loved it. We loved spending time outside, in our waterproofs getting wet and walking, laughing, sightseeing, singing together.
So what about when it’s not wheelchair friendly? And Lauren can’t walk too far. We Flippin pick her up and carry her. She won’t miss out if it’s within our power to get her there and back. She isn’t too light but it’s doable. She doesn’t hold on. She drives me mad pulling my hair whilst I do it, but we carry her. Piggy back, shoulder ride, fireman’s lift. The thought of doing those things with a nearly 11yr old is exhausting right? But in the moment- I tell myself I want her to see those things and Jonnie wants her to be involved, we want pictures for her to remember things by.
She has super-humans as parents (not really but it makes me feel better thinking of myself as such) that go beyond the normal realm of duty so that she gets the most out of life. Wyatt also benefits from this. And I’m going to stop saying no to things- we will be doing things more and more no matter how hard they seem- it’s all about these 2 beautiful babies that we brought into this world to experience it in its fullest.
Life is hard. We are ALL asked to do hard things, but with a little change in your attitude and a little more positive thinking – you get the blessings that come from serving and blessing another’s life. I would do anything for Lauren. I would also do anything for Wyatt. As long as I think it will benefit their lives for the better.
She ain’t heavy, she’s my Lauren 💜💜
Mummy Birch 😘💛💛